Project: Bratwurst - The Sale of The Century!

Sadly, due to the imminent loss of my storage space for her, Project Bratwurst went up on ebay on 1st July 2011.
Here are the details of the advert.

Listing info
Page views: 897
Duration: 10 days
Start time: 01 Jul, 2011 20:32:23 BST
Start price: £100.00
Final Sale Price: £205


Project Bratwurst!

This is it, your once in a life time chance to own a legend* of the race track!
This is Project Bratwurst, my Practical Performance Car magazines, £999 challenge veteran.
You might find it hard to believe, but under all of those finely crafted modifications lies a humble 1991 BMW 525i. It has undergone extensive race inspired development* to get it to the standard you now see here.
It has been lightened at great expense* and has had the suspension carefully tuned*. The engine has been looked at (quite literally, I’ve spent hours just standing there looking at it) and the aerodynamics have been tweaked.

Now, after looking through some of the forums whilst developing this ‘thunder saloon’ I have noticed a growing trend when describing the spec of a car to say what it hasn’t got. Apparently, the ‘in’ phrase for this is to call it ‘delete’.
So, with that in mind, here are some of the fantastic things that this car hasn’t got:

Electric Windows – Delete
Central Locking – Delete
Electric Mirrors - Delete
Carpet - Delete
Rear Seats - Delete
Headlining - Delete
Sun-Roof – Delete
Centre Console – Delete
Dashboard – Delete
Door Cards – Delete
Sound Deadening - Delete
Rear Screen Glass – Delete
Door Glass – Delete
Door Inner Skins – Delete
Boot Linings - Delete
Boot Spoiler – Delete
Wheel Arch Liners – Delete
Front Fog/Vanity Lights – Delete
Heater - Delete
Bangin Stereo, innit! – Delete

Look at all those fantastic features this car no longer has! That’s a lot of upmarket comforts you won’t be getting for your money. Absolute bargain!

Oh, and it no longer has an ashtray

So what do you get?
Well, if the above isn’t enough, what you are getting is :
1991 BMW 525i SE Manual
2.5ltr M50 B25 non-vanos
For none BMW aficionados, that’s an iron block, alloy head, DOHC 24 valve straight six without the variable cam timing thingy (Vanos) that most engine builders seem to ‘Delete’ anyway.
This engine is alleged to have approx 189bhp @ 5900rpm and 184lbs/ft @ 4200rpm when new according to wikipedia. It is popular with engine tuners due to the inherent strength of the iron block and in places like Europe and America, where they let the passenger drive the car, they are popular for turbo conversions.
The engine itself has proven to be very reliable and never missed a beat at the event. It occasionally produces a cam follower tap which soon clears once the engine is loaded.
Due to the success of the weight-loss program, the car rose up 2.5” on its suspension pretty much topping it out. Obviously, standard lowering springs would still leave the car 1.5” higher than standard and make the suspension too stiff. Therefore, after months of research and careful selection* a pair of Mazda MX5 rear springs have been fitted to the rear of the car. The front springs have had approx 2 coils removed from them to level the car out.
The front tracking has been reset after the modifications and it now drives very nicely.
The brakes are standard but are now having to stop a lot less weight.
I have not re-weighed the car after ‘deleting’ most of it but I have removed 13kg of excess wiring and 10kg of anti-drum sheeting alone! The front and rear bumpers have both been gutted and remounted on lighter mounts but are still very much secure in place.
There has also been some lightening of a more organic nature. Some areas of the shell have been converted to iron-oxide. This process takes a very long time (in this case, about twenty years) and improves with maturity. The results are even lighter than carbon fibre! However, it has been rather localised to the jacking points and a few other select parts as is common with these particular vehicles and so, in order to try to restore the weight distribution, steel plates have been welded to the affected areas. This has been carried out to a standard that any self respecting five year old would be proud of!
The deleted door and rear glass has been replaced with 5mm clear plastic sheet that is both screwed and bonded in place. The door mirrors have also been deleted but a pair of light weight replacement door mirrors are included in the sale.
Also included are a pair of mint condition bucket seats. By mint, I mean the polo variety with the hole in it. In fact, there more like a couple of packets of polos. Or maybe a box of Cheerios. Either way, they are full of holes and have pulled stitching. They do however match the rest of the car rather well and come complete with two pairs of cut down BMW seat runners and some box section steel to make the mounting frames from.
Thanks to me being a plum and loosing the only key, it cannot be locked. Well, it can, but you won’t be able to get in it again unless you unscrew one of the windows. Also, the ignition barrel has now been butchered and the ignition switch detached to enable activation by a dumpy flat bladed screw-driver. I shall include the dumpy screw-driver in the sale. However, should you loose it you should easily be able to find a replacement at any branch of Halfords, B&Q etc…
Whilst on the subject of the electrics, this car won an award for ‘best modification’ in the 2010 PPC £999 challenge. This was for my ingenious battery isolation device. The battery will not be included in the sale (though this is not a ‘delete’ option, you will need one to start the car each time) but I will leave the patented* isolation device fitted.
The car will be sold with the wheels shown in the pictures (standard BMW Lattice alloys) but with worn out tyres fitted. I haven’t worn the tyres out myself, I’m simply keeping them as they fit my daily driver and have good tread on them.
There is a lot more information on this car in the build story on my website but I think that if I put the website address on this advert I will be in breach of ebay rules so I’m afraid you either have to contact me to ask for it or you’ll have to trawl the web in the hope that you get lucky
What it achieved
The event was held at Santapod Raceway where, despite my worst efforts on the standing quarter mile, it achieved:
14.96 Seconds @ 91mph.
That was with major traction problems in first gear with not much improvement in second gear and with a complete numpty behind the wheel who'd never raced before
What it needs
Improved traction! Either hunt out an LSD or, as I was planning to do, get the diff welded. The average price for this seems to be around the £30 mark and details are available on the popular tramp drifting website.
It’ll also need tyres and a few loose ends sorting such as a wiring the wiper switch back in, finishing the wiring for the ventilation fan and possibly some of the lighting wiring if you wanted to make it road legal again.
As for the missing lights, they could be re-instated with a bit of electrickery or, to keep the moody look, just run it on a daylight only MOT (yes they are available for cars).
Personally, if you want to rule the race track, taking it on a trailer is the way forward. Knowing you aren’t relying on it to get you home does wonders for your lap times!
It comes with a few odd spares and some part used tins of paint.
So why am I selling?
I really wish I could keep this, I have had loads of fun with it and want to develop it further but I have two other projects on the go and something has to give.
Legal stuff:
No Tax (Sorned but you will have to re-sorn on change of ownership)
Will have to be trailered away (by law, all four wheels must be off the ground)
Registration document present.
And Finally:
You bid to buy, not to view. You are welcome to pay to come and view if you wish, or just come and view anyway prior to auction ending. The car is located on a secure military airbase and as such, viewing is limited to Saturday 9th and Sunday 10th July.
Cash on collection please. Vehicle to be removed within 14 days of auction end.
Starting bid is what I believe it is worth for scrap, it would make a good engine donor if nothing else. I’d quite like to swap the engine and box into an old Triumph 2000 saloon (might also fit a Stag as they are based on the same car).
Or you could use it in this years PPC £999 Challenge! You’ve got until 17th September to get it ready!
As said, loads more info available including lots of photos on request
Happy Bidding.

*Actually, that might not be correct.

Questions & Answers
Q: Hello, I only wish I had the room for it, it was really fast at Santa Pod at last year's £999 challenge. Who ever gets this, is going to have a great time in it!! 03-Jul-11
A: Ta very much, just rub it in why don't you!

Q: i am guessing this is you smiler with the car that spanked me in last years £999.... if you were closer i'd be buying it for the engine as its sweet as hell!!! 03-Jul-11
A: Yes it is, I'm guessing from the name that you are Bulletproof Bob from said challenge. I didn't realise it was you in the gimp suite strapped to the bonnet getting spanked.

Q: The best item description I've ever seen by far! Good luck with the sale 02-Jul-11
A: Why thankyou very much. I try'd to keep it in the style of the car, a big bit of fun. Basicaly, if I get at least the £100 starting bid for it then it's not going to waste down the breakers. It would be an ideal engine donor if nothing else as everything is there, the engine and transmission can be seen working and everything else is stripped out so you can get to everything. I'd rather see it get some use than just weighed in and crushed.

The Cars Fate!

The car was collected by its new owner on saturday 16th July '11 and trailered away. It has been purchased for it's engine and transmission with the intention being to transplant them into an 80's Mazda. The plan is to eventually turbo-charge the engine, much as I was considering doing only in a more professional manner.


The contents of this website are purely a reflection of my own experiences and knowledge gained whilst working on my various projects. Anything you do based on what you have read here is done so entirely at your own risk.
Personally I wouldn't trust someone like me with a lawn mower! You have been warned! Flapper-bat!

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